1. Face was not cute. Face was actually terrifying.

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2. Furbies were more creepy than cool. They are dark-sided.

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3. Animaniacs was better than Tiny Toon Adventures.

4. Pizza rolls are WAY better than pizza bagels.

5. These are gross:

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6. Doug was better than Rugrats.

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7. And Hey Arnold! was the best Nick Toon, period.

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8. The Spice Girls are more iconic than the Beatles.

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9. “Say You’ll Be There” is the best Spice Girls song.

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10. Tamagotchis were actually not fun. Like, not fun at all.

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11. The second Mighty Ducks is better than the first.

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12. Sister Act 2 is better than Sister Act 1.

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13. And obviously, Home Alone 2 is better than the original.

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14. It was impossible to do any Home Alone trick with a Talkboy.

15. Slides are actually very fun. I’m sick of slide slander!

16. Backstreet Boys were actually better than NSYNC.

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17. AJ is — and will always be — the best member of the Backstreet Boys.

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18. JC Chasez should have been more famous than Justin Timberlake. He had, by far, the best voice in that group.

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19. School pizza was disgusting.

20. Robot animals were actually pretty lame. They did nothing!

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21. These drinks tasted awful.

22. Inflatable furniture was awful, like the most uncomfortable thing ever.

23. These slides at Discovery Zone were more painful than actually fun. My ass hurts just looking at it.

24. Topanga should not have given up going to college for Cory.

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25. Pogs were dumb.

26. These weren’t fun ’cause you just feared you’d run over your fingers.

27. These were actually disgusting, gross germ collectors.

28. These also weren’t fun because they barely bounced.

29. “Candy” by Mandy Moore is more iconic than “I Want Candy” by the Strangeloves.

30. Recording something off the radio was better than buying the cassette single.

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31. 3D Doritos are not better than regular Doritos.

32. Snake was fun for like 15 minutes, then it was just repetitive.

33. These were the worst music players ever:

34. Meredith was not the villain of The Parent Trap.

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35. Ross and Rachel were exhausting and truly never needed to get back together.

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36. Unsolved Mysteries is, by far, the scariest television show ever.

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37. Nick and Jessica never should have gotten married. It was clear they never were a good match.

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38. The edible body lotion was also gross.

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39. Facebook never should have allowed anyone besides college kids to use its service.

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40. These playgrounds were only good for splinters.

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41. The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride was not a good sequel. Like, it sucked.

42. And last but not least, these are so, so gross, like ew.

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