“WIPE. UR. NOSE. CHILD.”

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Now, I haven’t actually seen the original movie. However, I do have an interest in teen Netflix rom-coms, and Addison Rae is…a person, so naturally I watched it immediately.

Matt Winkelmeyer / Getty Images for MTV/ViacomCBS

We start off strong: Addison Rae is playing an influencer. She has profiteroles. I like profiteroles.

We are then introduced to her boyfriend. At the risk of getting ahead of myself, I think it’s worth pointing out that Addison’s character later brags about having given this man a makeover.

But no! Addison finds the man cheating on her! And — gasp — her tearful, profiterole-throwing reaction is caught on a livestream.

In the days that ensue, Addison then goes viral in the “wrong way,” despite all the comments on the Live being rather positive. She is met with chilling comments like, “WIPE. UR. NOSE. CHILD.”

We are then introduced to Rachael Leigh Cook as Addison’s mom. However, this character is NOT related to her role in the original.

Addison then (I’m sorry, I find it very difficult to use her character name here) laments over her breakup, given that he was “125 pounds of bad hair” when they first met. The minutes have dragged by since I first watched the trailer, and I have not been able to stop thinking about this line.

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Addison, babe, have you seen his hair now? 

Her friends then challenge her to make over a guy of their choosing, over some very natural and not-at-all-product-placement bottles of CORE WATER.

As for the person her friends bet Addison cannot make over? The man who must be an impossible task? A lost cause? They pick this conventionally attractive man, Cameron.

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I’m fairly sure the girls in my high school would have murdered each other over this boy as is. 

Cameron is into really weird things, like…photography.

Addison then TikToks so hard she falls off a horse into some conveniently placed poop. This moment is also romantic. These sentences were also painful for me to write.

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A club cover of “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer will start to play in the background. 

Then, Kourtney Kardashian inexplicably appears and describes Cameron as “scruffy, but cute.” I sincerely hope that she is playing herself.

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Her mug does say “mom,” if that’s any clue.  

Now, you might think that this trailer will leave us hanging as to what Cameron’s makeover will involve.

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Obligatory shirtless shot. 

But no, Cameron emerges as a baby Chuck Bass in the trailer itself.

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There is also a lot of 1920s-themed stuff, which I thought might be a Pygmalion reference, but turns out that was in 1913, so IDK, man.  

Now, my summary might sound quite negative here! A bit sardonic! But I can assure you, dear reader, I will nevertheless be grumbling my way through this movie the moment it hits Netflix.

You can watch the full trailer here.

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